The Spooky Chronicles: The Crooked Man Review

 I don't particularly like children. Most of the kids that have slithered out of my womb have done so via vacuum cleaner hose attachment or coat hanger. So , yeah , not my thing.  However ,  if I where to ever spawn a child I'd want him to be just like " Spooky " the creepy little hero of Kevin A. Ranson's new young adult shockfest.

The Spooky Chronicles: The Crooked Man is the story of a young boy who becomes very ill with terminal cancer. As The boy lays on his death bed he is visited by a mysterious " crooked man " who gives him the oppurtunity to return to life. However , upon returning the young boy realizes that his mother was taken in his place and now he must endure his life as a " dead " boy , coining the name " Spooky" as his new moniker. Spooky soon begins to realizes that he has special abilities and that dark forces may be working against him and those around him.

I was very impressed with Kevin A. Ranson's new gothic fantasy . The story itself is written almost as if it where a dark fairytale  laced with underlying currents of malice and dread. Mr. Rason starts out slow and deliberate with Spooky's plightful existence and quickly sucks the reader in as we learn right along with the lead character his trials and tribulations and eventual decent into a world of darkness and magic. It isn't often that I enjoy , or even watch for that matter , any material that would even remotely be suitable for teens or young adults and Mr. Ranson has succeeded in creating a new and exciting entry into the world of young adult fiction. The Spooky Chronicles has the potential to become a major force if it stays dark and doesn't compromise any of it's wonderful characters and fairytale like atmosphere for cheap lurid thrills. I can't give enough praise to this creepy and smart story and to go any further into the details of it would spoil half the fun. Do yourself a favor my babies , go find a homeless child or steal one of the neighbors kids and cuddle up for a good ole fashion slice of genre fun.

The Spooky Chronicles is now available online http://spookychronicles.com/ via ebook and on http://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/62108/4/the-spooky-chronicles-the-crooked-man. Please I beg all of you read this , it really is that good. Besides we can't spend all our days eatin' chicken and watching QVC..............

What do you think my babies ??

See you in a few days my babies

I am once again forced , like a rabbit in heat ,  to move venues ! I know , it's a hard life I live. As soon as I can get settled again, you can bet your tight little ass I will be right back on here with a SHITLOAD of reviews and hot and heavy news.   I will see you soon my pets
 MUAH!!! Until then do yourself a favor and buy this shit. Crazy adult killer abortion fun from my honey Ryan Nicholson. YUM!!! I love him because I think he has a big cock, and a good director to boot.

SEE YOU SOOON

BIGFOOT LOVES COCK DAY 2 Night Of The Demon Review

Search Amazon.com for night of the demon

One  of the most blissful experiences I have ever had was the day I was trickin' up off Interstate I-80 at a truckstop and had the Joy to come across Big Hansel. For those of you who haven't heard the " legend " of Big Hansel, he is a 575lb. trucker who is covered from head to toe in a thick layer of black hair and a protruding lower jaw and a large set of " fangs" he never seems to clean. Big Hansel picked me up treated me like a lady for 3 days and 2 nights at the Cozy Rest Motel and off he went. Ahhhhh the memories......

Night Of The Demon is the trash epic you have all been waiting for, it is the splatter gore equivalent of a John Waters film ; nasty , vile , and tasteless this is the Sasquatchplotation film to end them all. Hands down. Yes my babies, Bigfoot is here to stay!  Fellas: keep those cocks in your pants. Chicks: Keep on those garter belts. Mr. Hairy is on a rampage and no one , not even girl scouts , are safe.

Our sordid tale opens straight away with Professor Nugent  laying disfigured ; hanging between life and death in a hospital bed , his head covered in bandages. Poor Prof. is forced to recount , for a group of doctors and police officers ,  the atrocities that befell him and a group of college students one sunny weekend. The Prof you see had somehow gotten himself a copy of a Super 8 film of some creature slaughtering an innocent family , and naturally wants some of his fellow students to accompany him into the forest to investigate. Along the way , we the viewers , are treated to glorious tales of bigfoot slaughter that include; girl scout murder , a biker who has his big cock ripped off while urinating , bigfoot rape , and a couple killed while in the throws of passion in the back of a broke down van. While on their journey , the students come across a crazy old man who tells them that they need to visit " Crazy Wanda " if they want to know the " entire" story of Sasquatch and his exploits. Needless to say , the group does come across Crazy Wanda and in the end come face to face with Bigfoot and his bloody rampage.

There really are no words to describe the sheer amount of beautiful trash that is on full display in Night of the Demon , it really is that good.. There has not been a proper DVD release of the film as of yet ( for shame ) so the film looks glorious in all its tattered beauty. Sporting film burns and many , many flaws on the original print which gives  Night of The Demon a dirty edge that warmed this little girls cold dark heart. Director , James C. Wasson , isn't a completed idiot behind the camera and knows how to frame a scene from time to time and create an overall general mood of sleaze that literally pours from every scene , staging all the action on a virtual hotbead of dirt covered shacks and dry desolate wooded areas. For instance , at the beginning of the film there is a very effective scene in which a scientist is camping and has his arm ripped off by the creature, only moments later the camera pans down to show a large " footprint" that begins to fill up with blood. SOLD!!  Screenwriter Mike Williams on the other hand , oh my , is no Francis Ford Coppola. Some of the dialogue in Night Of The Demon is so hideously mangled and outlandish that it's borderline genius. For instance during a latter scene in which a farmer believes his pregnant Bigfoot raped daughter to be possessed he declares " I'm trying to save your soul you ungreatful bitch.... Now lay down" Classic. This inept writing and cheap jack sets are just part of the films neurotic charm and help make the experience all the more enjoyable , if not fun .

Night Of The Demon is a masterpiece of absurd trash cinema that is waiting to be rediscovered by any adoring fan.  In 1985 it was even placed on the much sought after Video Nasties list and unlike some of it's brethren ( hmmmm Xtro ) deserves to be on that list . Very much deserved. So pick up a pack of marshmallows and lift up that dress honey cause bigfoot is still out there, and he is HORNY AS FUCK!!!!

So, what do you say babies ?

Have I got a hot date ?

House On The Edge Of The Park 2 on it's way !!!!

Color Me excited !!!  I just found out today that the Italian sleaze master himself  Ruggero Dedato has began production on a sequel to infamous rape saga The House On The Edge Of  The Park ( La casa sperduta nel parco).  The sequel will be directed, of course , yet again by Ruggero Dedato who will co write the screenplay with original star  Giovanni Lombardo Radice.  Picking up 30 years after the original , the new film , will center on Ricky ( Giovanni Lombardo Radice ) as he is released from Sing Sing after suffering for years at the brutal hands of the sadistic Warden. Ricky once again returns to his work at the old garages only to fall in with a sociopath nick named The Poet and his sex crazed blood thirsty girlfriend Muriel. This new friendship begins to stir up visions of Ricky's old life and his old friend, Alex. Sounds for a recipe for some good ole' fashion sleaze soaked goodness to me.


The orgina House followed criminals Alex and Ricky who decide to crash a party in the middle of nowhere and cause general chaos i.e. rape , rape , rape, and sexual violence. However , the party guests have a suprise in store for the two men and a strange connection to their past.


If none of you little perverts have seen the orginal, do yourself a favor , it is classless , raw , dirty , and a helluva lot of fun. Below you can find a bit of poster art for the new movie which is currently in pre production at Northbank Entertainment.

Now back to my cheap malt liquor and lonely paperback thrills.

What do you think babies ????

The AMAZING music behind the notorious soon to be classic A Serbian Film

Infanticide Can Be Entertaining and FUN!!! Day 1 A SERBIAN FILM

         
                           A SERBIAN FILM - REVIEW

The other day I was having a conversation with the foreign woman who lives in Room 67-B and I could not for the life of me discern where it was she could be from (not that I cared) I was just curious. Me and this woman sat around for awhile smoking cigarettes and sipping on Folgers instant dark roast when I finally realized she was from Benin, West Africa !!!!!! A country, that despite  the fact that it is illegal, still practices forms of baby murder. I was shocked, applaud, and I just really don't care for people from other countries sitting that close to me. I immediately excused myself and returned to my domain. Once again I was  tied to that old rickety chair with a pack of smokes and a case of Milwaukee's Best ready for my impending descent into film oblivion.

              A Serbian Film is the notorious 2010 film by Serbian director  Srđan Spasojević that has been getting plenty of notoriety since its premier at the Alamo Drafthouse in March of 2010. Since it's premier , the movie itself has been kicked out of numerous festivals and had several charges pressed against it. The state prosecution of Serbia opened an investigation to find out if the film violates the law. It is being investigated for elements of crime against sexual morals and crime related to the protection of minors. Poor thing, I know it's pain and suffering. Even here in the good ole' USA the film itself was released on VOD FlixFling in an edited 103 minute version. So is it worth the trouble to seek out ?  Is the movie deserving of it's notoriety ? Or are  all of you just a bunch of uptight pigs ? The Answers is YES to all of the above.

Right off the bat this little lady was on the hook ; creating a loving portrait of a middle class family and having the balls to have it's own sense of style, A Serbian Film was much more then I had expected. Sure, I had HEARD things about this movie, but I was convinced it was just going to be another run of the mill smut film with some nasty goodies in tow. But damn if it didn't have a plot, great direction, and some damn good atmosphere. I was wet..... very wet. And I must say I think I have found a new crush in Srđan Todorović , not only is  he very easy on the eyes ( and fingers ) the man can act. I was completely absorbed in his performance as a simple family man who is thrust into a world of filth and degradation and driven to unspeakable albeit somewhat over the top hilarious extremes. Come to think of it , now that the phenobarb has worn off , all across the board the performances where excellent and convincing which makes the second half of the film all the more gleefully sadistic to watch. If we are going to watch someone forced to rape and kill his own 9 year old son we have to care about the person first. God, is that asking so much ?


 Which brings me to the second half of the film..... Is it really as awful and tasteless as everyone has made it out to be ? Yes and No.  The film itself is nasty, there is no way around that. The second half is filled with necrophilia , pedophilia , rape , incest ; and of course the baby fucking scene that has been causing such an uproar. So yes , if you are easily offended by suggestive material, steer clear. Mormons that means you. But as a whole I was never overly offended by what was on display. Many of the morbid atrocities on display where done with a sure stylistic approach, , and overlay ed with a hyper techno industrial soundtrack that at least  showed that the monstrosities  at hand where  done by someone with a working knowledge of what film is and how it is put together . So , however awful and disgusting what I was watching constantly was at least it was done in a visually proficient manner . And lets be honest for a moment I do relish in movies that show balls and have the general audacity to shatter the envelop of bad taste, and baby this one set it on fire.

Now, let me address the white elephant in the room for a minute, the baby fucking scene!!! Ahhhh yes infanticide, how marvelous. There has been more debate , outrage , and general disgust over this scene then any other over the past 20 years. It is this films " dog shit " moment. And how, may you ask does this scene stack up ?  Should we go running for the hills and protect our children and families ? Not so fast. The newborn rape scene is nasty but by this point in the film it is the least shocking thing about it and done in such a visual way that not too much is shown. The sound effects are bit disturbing , but to be honest if you have made it this far there really is no turning back. Filth like this is what gives A Serbian Film it's tacky charm and anarchical attitude towards the masses. It's a big FUCK YOU to the SAW and HOSTEL's of the world. A Serbian Film does sit securely in the realm of " torture" films but it is the "torture" film to end them all.

A Serbian Film is the real deal my friends; an underground film purest wet dream. It is exactly what us sick demented cinephiles hope and pray for as we scower the Internet for that unsung classic that has never been released. Here it is .And it is a shame that it will undoubtedly never been seen in it's entirety as a widescreen release in the U.S. A Serbian Film is an " event "  film in every sense of the word. Please Hollywood , shut down production on The Hangover 3.  Agents and superstars I beg you , spend your money getting A Serbian Film a proper release next Thanksgiving so me and my grandmother can stand in a mile long line with my niece and watch brutal sexual violence with all the other happy holiday families.


"This is a diary of our own molestation by the Serbian government. It's about the monolithic power of leaders who hypnotize you to do things you don’t want to do. You have to feel the violence to know what it’s about."  Screenwriter Srdjan Spasojevic. Kinda makes me hot.... the man has a way with words that kind of just melt your liquorish panties right off. 

Here is a Link to view A SERBIAN FILM  UNCUThttp://www.novamov.com/video/ylq0y9hyjaz66

Ahhhhhhhhhhh Another one down.........

What do you think my babies ?

My Soul Music